fashion

Waterproof

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I have been accused on occasion (falsely, of course) of being just the tiniest bit of a drama queen.

I know, right? WHO would say such a thing about me? Me! – possibly the most reasonable and rational gal you are likely to meet within ten feet of a chicken coop or 30 feet of a wine glass.

profmattstrassler.com

You know how reasonable and rational I am since I know my quark from my lepton. image: proffmattstrassler.com

Ok. Maybe there is a grain of truth in the accusation. A molecule. An atom. A lepton of truth… or possibly a quark. That is such a cool word, “quark.” I have been waiting whole months to use that in a post. A post that did not involve ducks, even. Aren’t you glad you stuck around for it? You’re welcome!

Yes. It is true I was something of a drama geek in school, and I would love to tell you that I have regrets over that, but truly I don’t. One of the very best things about hanging out in and around the theatre was that, if I was not on stage, I was certainly manning a makeup sponge somewhere in the background.

Oh, the fun to be had transforming a 15-year-old face into that of a 50-year-old! Granted, what can be accomplished by means of paint and spackle is somewhat limited. The skinniness of youth, breaking voice and oily T-zone were generally dead giveaways that the stage paint had lied. But it was all in good fun.

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Shameless selfie just taken to show you my modicum of success. The picture is unretouched, so make sure you zoom in on my crows’ feet. Oh yeah. I AM that old.

Oh, how ironic it is that at present I am continuing to hone those same skills in narrowing the gap between my 48-year-old face and the one I took entirely for granted at 15. I will admit to at least a modicum of fairly expensive success.

Which brings me to my current drama queen moment.

I’m having mascara issues. First world problems! But I have thrown away the past 3 tubes of brand-new yet horrid mascara and am still eeking away at a mostly dry tube of waterproof L’Oreal that I bought back in January. (L’Oreal has since ceased making this formula – a big, first-world boohoo for me!) I swear. Either they go on so thick they make me look like Cruella DeVille, or they take ages and ages to dry and therefore get smeared everywhere a la Tammy Faye* on a really sad day. I can never seem to sit still long enough to allow drying time. They are just eyelashes, for heaven sake. Who has time to let them DRY??

cuantomide.net

No discussion of eyelashes is complete without a photo of Tammy Faye Bakker – the original Manga eye! Just don’t say anything to make her cry… Photo: cuantomide.net

What is more, can anybody out there in the universe explain to me what is the point of mascara that is not waterproof?

In perusing the cosmetic aisles, I seem to find literally hundreds of lash formulas that can lengthen, thicken, straighten, strengthen, “manga,” curl or grow one’s lashes. While all those options sound amazing to cosmetic-loving me, virtually none of these formulations come in a waterproof variety.

Considering the fact that one’s eyeballs are nearly 100% water, that most of us either sneeze, chop onions or get upset enough to cry on more or less a daily basis, what on earth are the cosmetic retailers out there thinking? And then there are contact wearers like me who are advised not to use waterproof mascara.

What’s up with that?

 Contact wearers have the wateriest eyes around – and we are NOT supposed to wear waterproof? You have got to be kidding me.

weheartit.com

Good thing I have my non-waterproof mascara; I would hate to get anything waterproof on my contact lenses. Photo: wehearit.com

Drama queen me needs either answers or a better cosmetics counter. Maybe both.

(Rant over.)  Tomorrow, I am going in search of the ultimate waterproof formula. Suggestions, anyone?

Mother Hen

*If you’re under 45, you will likely need to google Tammy Faye. Trust me. The scandal story is worth looking up!

featured photo/meme: goodmeme.net

© motherhendiaries 2014 all rights reserved

22 replies »

  1. Oh my goodness, Dorreen – I have a feeling you and I could talk for hours about make-up! I am a cosmetics junkie! I’ve used Benefit, They’re Real Mascara for quite awhile. I go between that and Chanel…see what I mean? My husband always says he doesn’t know which is more dangerous – me in a bookstore or Nordstroms cosmetic department! You look gorgeous no matter what you wear. ❤ ~Karen~

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    • Ha! So funny… I am a proper junkie as well! The last decent waterproof mascara I had was Bobbi Brown… sadly, it did not last long and I have yet to get back to the counter to get more. 😦 I may try the Dior this time, or possibly YSL as I have heard both are very good. But most important is what you use to remove it! I use Clarins – it is fab!! 🙂 When I said my modicum of success was expensive, I was not talking about surgery – I was talking about the House of Fraser makeup counter! Hahaha! Once again – snap! So much in common… 😀

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