family

The Right Side of the Bed

shutterstock_114701428My air purifier switches off promptly at 7 a.m. and as usual, my response is classically Pavlovian.

Once the white noise disappears, I am completely and absolutely awake, and to be honest, it is a kinder wakeup call than Pavlov’s bell. I am, however, immediately hungry. (Go figure!)

Precisely thity-two seconds later, a swelling pentatonal melody creeps into the room. It is HH’s phone my confucius memealarm – an oriental tune played over the sound of a babbling brook, the melodic equivalent of Confucius in a bathtub.

HH gropes for his phone and grumbles. “I hate Mondays.”

“Poor baby,” I say. Here on the right side of the bed, I have the luxury of sleeping in if I so wish. HH has no such option on a Monday morning.

He swings his legs out of bed and stands up. “Oh well,” he declares with cheery optimism, “at least it’s another sunny, dry day!” He pulls the curtains open. It may as well be midnight, it is that black outside, the sunrise not due for another hour. And it’s wet. And windy. “Oh yeah,” HH says gloomily, “It’s not…” He shuts the curtains with a snap.

I chuckle from my place on the pillow. “Sorry, babe,” I say, and I mean it.

He reaches for his robe. “Well, don’t worry your pretty little head, hun,” he says, resuming his cheerful tone, “at least I can reflect on Denver’s victory yesterday…”

DENVER, CO - DECEMBER 13: Denver Broncos quarterback Brock Osweiler (17) gets sacked by Oakland Raiders defensive end Khalil Mack (52) with help from Oakland Raiders defensive end Benson Mayowa (95) during the fourth quarter December 13, 2015 at Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium. (Photo By Eric Lutzens/The Denver Post)

DENVER, CO – DECEMBER 13: Denver Broncos quarterback Brock Osweiler (17) gets sacked by Oakland Raiders defensive end Khalil Mack (52) with help from Oakland Raiders defensive end Benson Mayowa (95) during the fourth quarter December 13, 2015 at Sports Authority Field at Mile High Stadium. (Photo By Eric Lutzens/The Denver Post)

I roll my eyes, remembering well the frustration of yesterday’s loss to Oakland*, a game that should have been easily won. (I swear – if Ossweiler threw one more five yard pass, I was going to scream!)

“Oh yeah,” says HH, “we lost.” He begins a leaden plod down the stairs.

“And to Oakland,” I add  helpfully.

He sighs heavily. “Right. Oakland. Add that to the list of reasons I hate Mondays.”

I could remind him that I have a day out planned with our Darling Daughter, spa pedicures and a sushi lunch followed by a spot of shopping… But no. That would just be cruel.

I could get up and make him eggs for breakfast. But suddenly I’m feeling unaccountably sleepy…

Mother Hen

© motherhendiaries 2015, all rights reserved.

*We hate the Raiders, Chargers and Seahawks equally.  Having said that, all these teams pale in comparison to the rancour we feel for our arch-nemesis, the New England Patriots. Yeah, it has something to do with pretty boy Brady and flat footballs, but even more to do with a certain offensive coordinator and former head coach of the Broncos. In the space of a few short years, Josh McDaniels all but destroyed our club, and it’s taken years for Elway to wash the bad taste from our mouths. By the time McDaniels went back on the Patriots payroll, we were left wondering if he had ever been off it.

  • feature photo: Shutterstock
  • confucius meme: my own creation on memegenerator.com
  • denver v. oakland: denverpost.com

23 replies »

  1. You can have our Rams and enjoy an endless display of crappy football! London was thrown around as a potential destination for them last year, but now it looks like they’ll be headed back to LA. Good riddance…

    Hey, white noise removal can wake me from a sound sleep as well! If the power goes off and take my fan with it, I’m up like a shot…

    Liked by 1 person

    • lol – Yeah, I heard the Rams rumour all the way over here, actually… but maybe they’d be a better club from this side of the Atlantic? As for rubbish football, it seems to go in waves for every team. I remember when the Pats couldn’t win foe losing, and we have been faithful Denver fans since forever, and you know we hold 3 of the top ten spots for worst Superbowl defeats in NFL history. Having said that, we at least GOT to the Superbowl…

      Like

  2. There is a story about a Minnesotan who was (unjustly of course) thrown into hell. He loved the warmth so much that the devil got mad and turned the thermostat down to -50F. At the point, the Minnesotan began to cheer and leap about yelling, “The Vikings won the Superbowl.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. There’s a perverse evil pleasure when your significant other has to wake up and you don’t. Relish in it!

    Not that I’ve ever experienced that sentiment. But I can imagine that it’s something to relish. I imagine it on the drive in…

    Like

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